


And I will come again, my luve, (Though it were ten thousand mile.)

by randomdestielfangirl



Series: Season 12 coda fics [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Episode: s12e11 Regarding Dean, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Kissing, M/M, Season/Series 12, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, sentimental drivel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 13:16:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9659051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomdestielfangirl/pseuds/randomdestielfangirl
Summary: “I couldn’t even remember my own name,” Dean says softly, tears coming to his eyes.Cas hushes him, looking distressed. He kisses the tears away, stroking at Dean’s back like a wounded animal’s.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Robert Burns's 'A Red, Red, Rose'. Unashamedly fluffy and not beta-read.

He’s sitting with a book of Indonesian legends, trying to concentrate. The words swim alarmingly, and he wonders if he ought to get up and fetch another cup of coffee. He fiddles with his phone, checking for messages, but there’s been nothing from Cas since his text four hours ago, claiming he was driving back to the bunker.

Sam had gone to bed hours ago, not arguing when Dean told him he wasn’t sleepy. His little brother had just looked knowing, giving Dean a quick hug before he ambled off to his own room. Dean sighs, rubbing at his eyes again. He’s just about to extract himself from his chair when he hears the creak of the bunker door open, and the sound of quiet footsteps as they descend. 

“Dean?” Cas’s voice is rough and surprised as he enters the war room, “it’s nearly three in the morning. Why aren’t you in bed?”

Dean looks up from his book and tries to smile at Cas.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he says, tapping at the chair next to him. Cas gives him a quick kiss and sinks down into it, blue eyes concerned. He raises a hand to Dean’s forehead, preparing to soothe any lingering pain, but Dean grabs his palm before he can, “I’m fine Cas. I just- you said you were on your way back, so anyway- how did the lead on Kelly go?”

Cas sighs.

"A dead end. I fail to see how this woman has concealed herself so effectively. All of the Heavenly Host are searching for her, it should be impossible.”

“We’ll find her, Cas.”

“I hope so,” Cas says, picking at his coat with his other hand, the left one firmly grasping Dean’s, “how was your case? Sam told me your phone had been destroyed.”

Dean hesitates. When he had texted Cas and mom from Sam’s phone on the way back to the bunker, he had deliberately left out details of him getting cursed. Sam had raised his eyebrows, but Dean hadn’t bothered to offer an explanation. He was sure Sam knew. But now with Cas actually in front of him, all dark circles and rumpled coat and general air of defeat and self-hatred, he can’t bring himself to add another burden.

“It went okay,” he smiles, “as well as it can go when Witches are involved.”

He pats Cas’s shoulder and stands up, ready to flee to his room and fall into bed.

“Dean,” Cas grabs his wrist, stopping him, “what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You were waiting for me,” Cas argues, standing up as well, “what was so important it couldn’t wait till tomorrow?”

He’s looking up at Dean, his eyes like the clear winter sky, limitless and accepting and so filled with pure affection that Dean crumples. He leans forward, resting his forehead on Cas’s shoulder, his hands going to Cas’s waist. The angel doesn’t bend or buckle at his weight, and simply holds Dean up, hands looping around Dean’s shoulders.

“I was cursed,” Dean says, his words muffled into Cas’s collar, “it was some crazy fast memory wiping bullshit, Cas.”

“Oh Dean,” Cas’s arms tighten around him, “how did you break it?”

“Sam asked Rowena for help. I didn’t want to worry you or mom and well... soon enough I didn’t even remember any of you.”

“I see,” Cas’s voice is calm and steady, making him feel somehow worse.

“Never thought I’d forget you or Sam,” Dean whispers.

Cas sighs and pulls away a little, resting his forehead against Dean’s.

“Memory is the one thing that belongs to an individual, the one thing that someone can possess in totality, the only thing that cannot be altered or destroyed by others in normal circumstances. Losing it - losing yourself - looking into the faces of the people you love without recognizing them, the agony in their eyes - the feeling that you’re missing something, like something’s slipping through your fingers... I know, Dean. I know.”

Dean blinks at him, at the overwhelming pain in the angel’s eyes. He thinks of Emmanuel, of those well-beloved eyes regarding Dean blankly on that long ago day, of his empty eyes in Lucifer’s crypt…

“I couldn’t even remember my own name,” Dean says softly, tears coming to his eyes.

Cas hushes him, looking distressed. He kisses the tears away, stroking at Dean’s back like a wounded animal’s.

“I - I was scared,” Dean whispers, looking away, at the seam of Cas’s collar, at the dark hair that curls lightly against his nape, "not of dying. It's just - I tried so hard to hold on to the memories Cas, and I couldn't stop them. I was alone."

“Dean,” Cas whispers back, “I’m here.”

His hands creep up to cradle Dean’s face, the love shining in his eyes scorching Dean with its intensity. He kisses Dean over and over again, leaning him back against the table, whispering Dean’s name into every inch of his skin, every press of his lips a benediction, a promise. Dean shudders his way through it, holding on for dear life. 

“I’m here… I’ll always be here. Even if I forget, even if you do. I’ll never let you fall again.”

Dean shuts his eyes, clinging to Cas. And believes.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr at randomdestielfangirl.tumblr.com


End file.
